Fix Yourself First, Then Love: Why Gen Z Chooses Healing Before Dating

In an interview, Chris Evans was asked about his views on relationships. His answer was just one sentence: "You gotta know yourself first."

He explained: before a person becomes a "more complete version of themselves," you won't know who is truly right for you. So, work on yourself first.

This quote has been repeatedly shared on social media, but it resonated not because Chris Evans said it. It's because it precisely describes a collective shift Gen Z is going through: from "finding the right person" to "becoming the right person first."

42% of Gen Z are in therapy

According to a survey by the Thriving Center of Psychology, 42% of Gen Z say they are currently in therapy, a 22% increase from 2022. 87% say they feel comfortable discussing mental health. 90% believe more Americans should go to therapy.

The significance of these numbers goes beyond "young people are more willing to see therapists." It reflects a fundamental shift in priorities: Gen Z has placed "understanding yourself" before "entering a relationship."

Thriveworks' 2025 mental health report shows that nearly two in five Gen Z and millennials plan to start or continue therapy in 2024. Therapy is no longer "something you do when something goes wrong." It has become a form of routine self-maintenance, just like going to the gym.

Boysober: A dating detox initiated by Gen Z

In 2024, a trend called "Boysober" went viral on TikTok. Its meaning is straightforward: pause dating and redirect your energy from finding a partner to healing yourself.

Vice covered this phenomenon: more and more Gen Z women are choosing to actively opt out of the dating market — not because they've given up on love, but because they realize they're not ready yet. "If I can't even handle my own anxiety, how can I handle someone else's emotions?" one interviewee said.

Researchers at UPenn analyzed Gen Z dating content on TikTok and identified two major trends: "hyperindividualism" and "heteropessimism" (pessimism about heterosexual relationships). Young people don't not want to date — they have an unprecedented awareness about entering relationships before they're ready.

What Chris Evans said is actually a very old truth

"Work on yourself first, then love others" isn't a new concept. But previous generations usually learned this lesson only after experiencing failed relationships. What makes Gen Z different is that they're trying to learn this lesson before entering a relationship.

Chris Evans' own views on relationships reflect this too. In an interview with Bustle, he said: "I really like being with someone who also has their own thing going on. If I'm with someone who just blends into my life, it feels suffocating."

He doesn't demand perfection from a partner. He said: "I just want someone with a good soul. Everything else, I'm very flexible on." But the prerequisite is: both people need to be complete individuals first.

What you didn't know: What Hinge's data says

Dating app Hinge released its Gen Z report in 2024. The data shows that Gen Z users mentioning "healing," "self-growth," and "mental health" in their profiles has increased dramatically compared to previous years.

An analysis from Lebanon Valley College found that the top three priorities for Gen Z in dating are: mental health, authenticity, and meaningful connections. Notice the order: mental health comes first, connections come last.

This doesn't mean Gen Z doesn't value relationships. On the contrary, it's precisely because they value relationships so much that they refuse to enter one before they're ready.

Stand firm first, then stand together

In the movies, Chris Evans plays Captain America. The reason he became the Captain isn't because of who stood beside him, but because he stood firm on his own first.

Gen Z is proving the same thing with data and action: a relationship is not a lifeboat. It's not a tool to patch the voids inside you. It's two people who can already stand on their own, choosing to walk side by side.

All relationship advice ultimately boils down to what Chris Evans said: work on yourself first, then love others. It sounds simple. But doing it might take an entire generation.